Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
