I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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