I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
