I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the day after is always just damage control
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
