I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
