I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
