I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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