That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
