my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
