just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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