My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
