Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
