I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
