I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
