youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
