I want to have your abortion
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
