I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
