Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
