I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
time to smoke my breakfast
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
