I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
