The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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