hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
