i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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