In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i love accidental penises.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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