1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
