you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
