I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
