My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
