Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
