no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
