Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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