The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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