i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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