Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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