I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
