Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
