Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
