It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
