Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
