He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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