this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
