nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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