hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
