remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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