OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Is Oprah even human
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
