Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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