Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She said her name was "party"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
