My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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