If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
