i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We have started to decorate penises.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
